im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
