They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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