I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No stitches, just platelets and will power
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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