what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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