I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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