you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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