Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thus making me awesome and them whores
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
