Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
