i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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