he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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