Barsexuality is the new black.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
