Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
