in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
