Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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