I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
