It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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