I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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