This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
