wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
