Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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