Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
