I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
