Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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