According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
