I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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