Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
