After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
a search helicopter?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
