he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
