some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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