I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
