DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
