I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
