with your own penis?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
