so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
