yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
