this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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