FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
