you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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