Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
