i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i out mim tonsoeep
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
