i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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