I look better un-naked...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
