I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
