I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
