Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
