I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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