guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
