i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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