Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
