I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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