I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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