I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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