I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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