Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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