the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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