I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
